it never rains but OMG!!!

So this is what it looks like when it rains like it has today.  Train lines are closed, all the roads out are closed and the tunnel is full of water!!  God knows if people will ever get home tonight but I hope they all stay safe.

gender discrimination is alive and well.

Today I went for an interview at a supposedly forward thinking academy, the recent great idea of what schools should be.  I worked hard at planning a lesson to teach and to write all the documents they asked me for, I spent hours preparing and booked nursery and childcare for the small people so I could attend at eight am this morning.  I was not late and I was prepared but I really shouldn't have bothered.

A meeting with the deputy department head where she said, I thought jokingly, that they were looking to recruit more men to the department because there were always too many of the women on maternity leave, should have told me something about the place especially because the eight strong short list was seven men and me.  Twenty minutes sat in the staffroom while four men complained around me, and discussed with other candidates, the problem of women and their constant baby talk and being distracted from their work by being kicked in the ribs should also have given me a clue but who thinks that schools of all places still discriminate against women? That just isn't what you expect.

The class enjoyed my lesson, they learnt something and they interacted with me, not much more you can ask for a twenty minute lesson with children you've never met before on a topic they have never seen before.  They must have enjoyed my lesson and someone must have thought it was good because they didn't cull me at the first hurdle (maybe I was still playing token woman?)  another half hour of abuse, sorry conversation around me, by the other candidates and members of staff including 'they can't possibly give you the job  now you've sat in the pregnancy chair!' before a meeting with the mentors,  this one went really well, jaw droppingly good reports from all my previous schools had them smiling and asking me if I'd done some teaching before the course because the reports of outstanding teaching and 'what would we have done without you?' were not what they were used to seeing, at least not from the schools I had worked in.

So the final cull before interview, down to three candidates and I was still one of them, strangely I thought this was a good sign and tried to put the comments of earlier in the day out of my mind because surely they wouldn't put me through a whole day if they were just going to employ two men to even up the numbers in the department. 

Final interviews were with the chair of governors, the head, head of department and NQT tutor,  only the chair spoke and he made reference to my children and my role as a mother in every question he asked,  all seven of them including  'It must be hard when you have been just a mummy for so long but try and remember what it was like to teach a class and describe a lesson you taught'.  Oh and 'I know it must be hard to think about children who are at risk when all you can think about are your own but what would you do to help them' (I have not been out of the classroom that long and I have been keeping up to date)

I answered every question without reaching across the desk to hit him (I thought about it but it would have been very unprofessional so I didn't) and I was very polite about everything even though it was a very uncomfortable situation to be in. 

The two men got the jobs!!

I was called in for feedback and told I was to 'mummyfied' in my reaction to questions and not professional enough in my answers.  I had not mentioned my children once but the chair had mentioned them about ten times. 

I hate to think that anyone in this day and age would really make the decision on a job based on Gender but sadly I can only conclude that this school did.  What a waste of my time!!

day five Six things I wish I’d never done.

1.  Walked away from him because someone else felt safer 
2.  Told my mum I write things sometimes. 
3. Turned my back when I knew he needed me 
4.  Told my daughter I was pregnant three times when she only has one sister to play with
5.  Pretended I was thick because it made it easier to fit in with people I didn’t even like.
6. Refusing to take extenuating circumstances special consideration for exams that are still affecting my life and my ability to find work. (There were really good reasons I did not have my mind on my exams but it was hard to admit that at the time.)

Day four seven things that cross my mind often.

1.       My beautiful daughters and what life will bring for them.

2.       The future and what it may or may not bring for me.

3.       Past decisions good and bad

4.       My need for a job of some sort

5.       The health of my family and friends

6.       The point and purpose of life

7.       The date of the next football match (my three hours off from being a mum 23 times a year) :-)

day three eight ways to win my heart

Eight ways to win my heart

1.       Know the off side rule

2.       Be happy to come second to my kids

3.       Allow me to be quiet and withdrawn without holding it against me when I want to talk again.

4.       Eat the food I cook and appreciate that I’ve cooked it with love and thought.

5.       Pick things up after yourself and remember I don’t choose to be at home doing the housework

6.       Show interest in what I am doing ( even if it’s pretend.)

7.       Allow me time to work my brain once the kids are asleep

8.       Say you love me and really mean it.

day two nine things about yourself

1.       My children are my world, it was hard work having them and I thank god for them every day (even during tantrums)

2.       I often feel unsettled and restless and my mind wonders to different things, I don’t mean to me rude. (I think part of it down to the lump in my brain so I try not to worry about it.)

3.       I don’t do reasonable levels of sadness or worry, I can cope with anything and everything until suddenly I crash and burn

4.       I would love a job, I am good at teaching maths, but the public sector is not the place to be right now.

5.       Those kids I love bore me some days so I write stories about people and things that I love

6.       I’ve recently discovered a relationship with a relative I hardly knew that has made my life so much better, I worry about making sure my children don’t miss out like I did.

7.       I accept the way people treat me when I know I shouldn’t but sometimes life is easier that way.

8.       I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy with everything in my life but the moment Iona was born comes very close

9.       I make things. I build things and I write things but I am still a maths and science geek at heart!

Ten days - day one

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1.       You wouldn’t believe how much better you’ve made my life since I got to know you.

2.       I’m so grateful you put yourself out for me when I don’t really deserve it

3.       Don’t grow up too quickly please you’re beautiful as you are.

4.       You bug the hell out of me but I miss you sometimes

5.       When scary things happen I try and remember you’d be there for me if you could be.

6.       I’m not sure I can get passed it but I’m trying

7.       I will love all three of you forever, look after each other.

8.       Sleep please

9.       They’re kids not toys

10.   The way you handle what life throws at you is an inspiration

we'll see how the rest go.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession

My headaches are over apparently

I had great news today, my brain lump (I don't like the word tumour it sounds scary and it's not like it's going to kill me so it doesn't count as a tumour really) has shrunk enough  for it to stop giving me headaches.  Obviously everyone has headaches some times so I will still get them but the twice weekly migraines should be a thing of the past for now at least.

I can't believe how many years I lived with feeling ill all the time and thought it was just how other people felt.  When someone told me they were tired I thought they meant their eyes hurt, their face was numb and their muscles ached like they had walked up Ben Nevis that morning but apparently it wasn't normal and now I am seeing the world in a totally different way and I don't get anywhere near as stressed about things because life is just so much easier.

Some days are good days and today really was a good one :-)