well it took a long time for it to finally happen but as of yesterday I am separated from my husband. I should be sad I know I should and in some ways I am. I'm sad that the children won't be able to see both their parents anytime they want to. I'm sad that the baby L wants so desperately is never now going to come and I'm sad that somehow the world looks at couples who separate and say they have failed.
I have two beautiful daughters who would not exist had I not married their dad, how can that be failure?
Mostly I feel relieved and that makes me sad, I never got married expecting it to end I thought it would be forever and was determined to work hard to make it that way but there comes a point when you stop being who you were, when your personality has been changed beyond recognition by the actions of your partner, when you no longer recognise the person you have become and that has to be the point when you take control of your life and fight for the person you have lost.
I asked him to leave before, more than once but he agreed to go once before and then changed his mind so I never really thought that I would be in this position, still in my own home with my children and hopefully one day a friendly relationship with their dad, I half expected to have to do a midnight flit or to refuse to return from a trip to see my family.
However hard the road ahead I am sure that I have made the right decision I might need one or two people around to hold my hand and wish me luck though.
xx
