I think we've had a break through.

It's eight months tomorrow since I finally got rid of my husband and most things in life have become much simpler and life has been a mostly happy thing the only two black spots have been my brother and sister.

My sister suffers from the need to be the centre of attention and for everyone to feel sorry for her and therefore help her out and give her things.  I couldn't live with people feeling sorry for me all the time but it makes her happy, what really didn't make her happy was me splitting from my husband, the risk was it would take the focus off her and she wasn't having that.  A number of her problems suddenly reared their head again and were much worse than before and, of course, her ex husband was far worse than mine and she'd had it harder and blar blar blar.

Within days of my separation I was getting texts from her telling me how hard her life was and having a go at me for anything and everything I have ever 'done' to her including robbing her of her free childcare for one day, 3 years ago, because I was in hospital having a missed miscarriage dealt with and my mum travelled up to look after my daughter because I had no one else to do it.  I live 100 miles away from all my family so I don't call on them often because its not easy but I had no other choice that day.  I got messages from her every few days moaning about something and then she came to my daughters birthday party and rode roughshod over everything I had planned and did exactly what she wanted in my house and then got upset when I got annoyed about it.

I have had as little to do with her as I can without making it uncomfortable for my mum and dad since then but I've refused to put my parents in the middle of it all although my sister has moaned to them a lot about me being funny with her and my mum has tried to make ME apologise for my behaviour to make things right.  I haven't and I've been the one in the wrong all the way but I was not going to show my parents the messages I'd had, I didn't think it was fair on them to see that side of their other daughter.

My sister though was the least of my problems, My brother has been completely amazing!!

The day I told him about the separation I got a message that said 'That's a shock."  Seconds later he sent one to my ex telling him what a great guy he was and that he was shocked I'd kicked him out and could they meet for a drink sometime because he didn't want to lose contact with him.  Not really the act of a brother I wouldn't say but you know he didn't know all the facts at that point.

A few weeks later, after he'd been filled in about everything I'd been through during the marriage and the level to which things had progressed before I finally got him to leave, he sent me a number of text messages over the course of the evening telling me I deserved what I got and that I shouldn't be laying it all on my parents because I was making them ill and it was my problem not theirs.  He sent all these messages while sitting on the sofa in his house with his girlfriend while I was on my own 100 miles away from any of my family and he kept on even when I asked him to stop for that very reason. 

Not wanting to make my parents life any harder than it already was ,and because I have spent years not telling people things and its a hard habit to break, I didn't tell them about the messages and I simply avoided seeing him as much as possible.  I did invite him to the family meal at Christmas and I have paid the money I need to to go to his wedding, both of these things were done to avoid upset for my parents not because I want anything to do with him.


So all this brings me to the break through.

On Monday he text me to ask if we could meet up on Sunday so he could see the kids, no apology for what he'd said or anything just a request to meet up.  I have to go home on Sunday so I couldn't meet him and I said that as politely as possible.  Last night he text my mother, complaining I had been terse with him and asking her if he could come here to see the kids on Sunday.  My response was a simple 'Its your house its your decision'  but she pushed me on how I felt about it and would I just take the kids out before he got here and I finally broke.

I told her what he'd said to me and I gave her the messages to read and she was horrified and she seems to have finally accepted that I have the right not to put up with his behaviour towards me and that it is his place to apologise before anything will move on this.  I decided not to show her the messages from my sister because I thought she'd had enough of a shock already but she did ask if I'd had the same sort of thing from her and I said yes.

It can't be easy for my mum to know these things about her children but things are different today, she got up early with my kids so I could lie in which she hasn't done before, she hasn't mentioned my brother at all and when my sister and her kids were here earlier she left me to do my own thing without trying to make me interact with my sister.  I played with the kids and we had good fun but I wasn't forced into playing nice for the first time in AGES.

It must be horrible for my mum right now and it must be hard to know what to do about any of it but I have committed to being polite and not putting them in awkward situations in public so I'm doing all I can without letting other people take over from my ex in the walking all over me stakes.

Its a break through, hopefully its a permanent improvement.